scanxiety feelings

Scans have seemed to take forever to get here. I don't like waiting. Especially on a day like today. By 11am Ruby was scream-crying at me and a hot mess. By dinner she had fallen asleep, said her tummy hurt, and was extremely grumpy. It has been hard for me to decipher what the cause of her problems are because there are multiple choices: 4 years old, needs a nap, shares a room with 2 older sisters, ate too much junk food, needs a nap, has cancer, needs to go to bed earlier.  I've been really worried the last few days that its that dang cancer.

Wednesday we will find out the results from the scans, and I will be surprised, overjoyed, grateful to God if the tumors are stable.
Because as of now I'm not sure.
And if they're not...I'm trying to think of what my plan will be. Like, literally where will I go, what will I do. When we've had news like this before it makes you want to just scoop of your family and go be together in a bubble. Because they are what is most important. And if you have to see other people, you have to talk about it, and have them mourn with you and it becomes more real. If you have suggestions let me know :)

Thank you friends/family who have volunteered to bring dinner and help with the girls tomorrow and Wednesday!

Tonight we got up in the mountains and besides the mosquitoes and a diaper blowout, it was great. Cool enough for jackets, saw a moose, deer, and an amazing sunset on the way home.