again!

Ruby requested to wear her monkey pajamas to the hospital.
Of course.
Listen to the story of Moana on the way?
You bet.
Chocolate Milk?
Whatever you want.

Port access then to the CT scan, which all went really well and on time. Took a little break on the deck to feel the sunshine and have a snack. Waited a bit to see Dr. Holly. I gave short answers when she asked how she was feeling as I wanted her to get to the point. "There's no change".
I felt like, oh, ok. And maybe even confused. Happy of course, but also wondering How is this happening?!  I don't care the explanation right now, just so thankful for another stable scan. I know it won't last forever-things staying the same. We had hopes they would shrink, so we would know the immunotherapy is working. But since they're the same and she doesn't have any side effects so far, we stayed and did another infusion and plan to go every 2 weeks for the next 3 months like we have been.
After talking about coming every 2 weeks and Dr.Holly left, Ruby said "And then I can be done with the hospital?" No, sorry, we have to keep coming. "In Heaven I won't have cancer?" (break my heart right then) No, your body won't have cancer in Heaven.
Bless her brave and calm soul.

Thank you Debby, Ashley, Meagan, Mrs. Bailey, Mrs. Coleman, and Liz for helping with the girls while Mark and I were with Ruby.

Thank you for all your love and prayers and thoughts and support💗

opposites

One minute I feel totally calm and peaceful, the next I'm trying to take deep breaths to get my heart and mind to slow down. Anxious about Ruby's CT scan tomorrow.  Feeling able to receive whatever news we get, but still anxious.

In the meantime here are some pics from the last few days...

50th wedding anniversary party for Mark's parents

The best!

General Women's meeting

excited to see pics my friend and neighbor, who is also an amazing professional newborn photographer, took of Annie

this morning

tonight

bless you my beautiful girls

needles

Ruby got a few bug catching things for her birthday and that has been her entertainment all day everyday this past week, I love it! She likes to catch fire bugs and rolley polleys and calls their antenna "needles".  

Can I say how much I love my Jane? Today Annie was crying like mad. I had put her down to sleep and I was getting dinner ready. I told Jane I needed to finish and then I would get her. Jane went in a few times to try to get her binkie in. Still more crying. Jane came to the counter, trying to hold back the tears "Can you please get her mom?"...her empathy for her sister was irresistible and I went and rocked Annie back to sleep. Jane also gave up one of her two $5 coupons to the book fair at school today so Siri could get a book she wanted. She is proactive, punctual, a helper, a snuggler (especially loves her back tickled), and brave. She is still loving soccer and riding her bike.

Miss Ruby has had her 6th dose of Nivolumab and will have another CT scan next week. We live scan to scan, and sometimes day to day. Most often I go to bed at night, wake up in the morning, thankful for another day together. Its a blessing from cancer to be thankful to be alive together.  Ruby has started swim lessons. She loves it and is doing great! I am hoping she can just be able to swim to the side so that I can worry a little less about her while I have Annie in arms at the pool this summer. Liz helps me with Annie each week so I can take her to swim and go grocery shop at Sprouts...so thankful she's my sister!

round 3 (dose 6)

I told the girls when Annie got off oxygen we could go to St.George. I was kind of a nervous wreck, so worried about leaving home. I'm not usually like that. Annie got a really bad cold just before we left, I thought she had RSV. And between her trouble feeding I've been pumping/thickening her bottles...I just felt overwhelmed. Turns out it is awesome to be sick in St.George instead of sick and feeling stuck at home. Annie would cough so hard and have so much gunk in her throat she'd throw up multiple times a day. Despite that we had an awesome trip. So thankful Liz Dan Sam could come!  Liz is so helpful, and I love that she can't stand dirty dishes in the sink ;)  The girls love to be with Sam.

Uno all day

I had a birthday last week. Thank you Mark for helping facilitate everything I wanted to do including temple with friends, trail run, GR Kitchen for lunch, library with the girls, wander Target, High Note Thai and pumpkin pie for dinner.

a "fruit cake" from my friend Aimee. 

Delish!

You know how I love old photos...

BabyThack4 is 4 months today, I take her for a check up tomorrow

bless her

A great weekend celebrating our daughters.

Last year we didn't think Ruby would live more than a few months. When we stopped the immunotherapy in June, we rushed to make her Make a Wish trip happen and prayed more intensely then ever. I'm so thankful that the cancer has stayed stable for so long and we were able to celebrate a birthday we didn't think she'd have. For her, as much as our whole family, I wanted to celebrate. We are doing so well and enjoyed so much the last year in large part to you all. I've thrown one real birthday party, for Siri when she was 6. So although party planning is not my jam, it was fun and I loved gathering together!

Aunna and Elsa came! 

They walked in right as we were singing Happy Birthday and Ruby ran over to them.

(they are cousins of a high school soccer friend. these girls are sisters and amazing in character in case you are looking :)

Ruby doesn't love the spotlight. 

I found her sitting alone, needing a quiet moment to enjoy her birthday donut.

bounce house=easy entertainment 

me my mom and sis liz

lots of veggies...and donuts

I love all the scrapbook pages, thank you! If you haven't sent a picture or page yet, please do...its never too late to add them in!

The best selfie we could get...6 people is a lot in one pic!

Went for a walk after the party. We'd been inside all day and needed fresh air. 

Then today we focused on little miss Annie. Mark blessed her in church. I loved being able to have this day to slow down and focus on taking the sacrament and the blessing. Thank you to all our brothers and sisters and parent and cousins for coming. Because we got together yesterday, we came home after church to relax and had dinner at Liz's...Dan's chicken with mushroom sauce...hire him for your next date night, way better than any restaurant!

post dinner shenanigans

snuggling and some face time with Aunt Jenn

you never know

We got to have another day together and today was Ruby's 4th birthday!  I love her laugh, her skip, her love for her sisters, and broccoli :)

yesterdays infusion (5/6) went well and Grandma Carol came to visit!