MRI day today

Its about 5pm. Annie is napping, the three musketeers are playing, ac is cranking because its hair dryer hot outside.

I've been awake since about 5:15am. Annie crying. It worked out as I needed to feed her by 6am since she had to be fasting for her swallow study this morning.  Mark went to the gym, she eventually fell back asleep for a bit. I sleep-rested: not sleeping but trying to.

I took Annie to the Riverton Primarys and by time she was done Mark was there in the waiting room with Ruby. Annie did great. She cries easily at non-immediate-family faces, but was happy and smiling. She did better this time and they said we don't have to thicken her liquids as long as we use a slower flow nipple on her bottle! This was great news and I'm glad she's doing better.

Mark took Annie home. Ruby was kinda grumpy off the bat since she hadn't eaten since about 9:30pm last night. I had water, but didn't eat so that I could empathize with her. They accessed her port, but its not the same as being in her usual space at the salt lake location in the oncology clinic. The needle was too long so it stuck out of her port a good 1/4". Better than having to get an IV though. Ruby was tired of waiting but once we went back to do the MRI she stopped in the doorway. Foreign room, foreign machine, nurses she didn't recognize, etc. I held her and they started the sedation.
Then it got sad.
She fought it hard.
Scream-crying, shaking legs. I didn't like it. I held it together.
After she was out and they took her back, I called Mark and had a little cry. I felt better after sharing my feelings. All the medical stuff is getting harder as she gets older. Understand more, gets scared more, has more of an opinion. I got some veggies and dip then read a book for a bit. They finally called me back about 12:45ish I think. She took a while to wake up. It gave the nurse time to deaccess her port. We were going to leave it in for tomorrows business but I didn't want her to have to sleep with it and have that needle sticking out so far. She stayed asleep while we took all the adhesive off which is the part Ruby really struggles with. She wanted sausage and fries...so we stopped at mcdonalds before going to pick up S and J from Aunt Sheri's house (they had such a great time, thank you!).

Hurried home so I could pump then took the 3 to each get their own pack of gum I had promised earlier. Mark is at the temple now and I think I need to go lay down to feel a little less zombie-esk. Hoping for earlier bed times tonight, leaving for the hospital about 7am.

The tumors could be stable. They could have spread. I hope I will live my life in a way that will make me not regret or wish anything were different, regardless of the news we get tomorrow and in the future.

A "feel better friends" volunteer made and shipped this doll to Ruby...she even has a port :)

update...this evening Dr Witt called to talked about Annie's results and could see the radiologist notes from the MRI...her brain looks good and normal!