the finale

The last part of this pregnancy was hard. It was very physically and mentally trying. I was worried for my life and the baby's. I was so relieved, felt comfort and peace last week as we got ready to deliver her.  Everything went well. I got to hold her skin to skin while they stitched me up. It took a while longer because my uterus had started to tear, and had some bleeding. They also removed a cyst. Translation: If we would have waited longer, there is a chance my uterus could have ruptured, could have been catastrophic.  So not surprising, this is my last baby. I'm soaking it all in.

I am so thankful we are both ok. I'm thankful for Steve and the doctor that he is. I'm thankful that I got to have Annie close to me the first few days. I'm also really thankful she went to the NICU. I was nervous to bring her home. The nurses there were amazing. She started to thrive and pick up on the whole suck/swallow/breathe thing :)  She's home on oxygen and has an oximeter to track her oxygen level and heart rate. THANK YOU thank you THANK YOU all you beautiful people who are helping make this time easier for us. I'd come caroling to your house to deliver a Christmasgram if I could.  

If you need me, we'll be hibernating until spring :)

my FAV pic!  In her dad's arms

sunday

Annie is a few hours away from being 5 days old. Wow how much up and down there is in such a short amount of time!

I was just with her and she's back on oxygen, but has been eating well so they turned off her IV fluids.  She is The.Best. If I didn't have to pee or have a tailbone that hurts when I sit too long, I'd stay in that chair and hold her always.

Thank you to Mark and those helping him with the other girls. It's a lot to take care of while I'm gone!

turkeys

Last night little lady had some apnea type episodes and was admitted to the NICU. I was devastated. I was also extremely sleep deprived, it was the middle of the night, I wasn't dressed warm enough, and I was alone. 

This morning things are much different. I'm thankful to have good care for Annie. Im thankful for food to eat. I'm thankful for my neighbor who watched the girls so Mark could come up. I'm thankful for "hotel stay" so I can be at the hospital another night (no medical care just use of the room I've been in). For those checking up and in on us. That I am recovering well and able to be with our new little turkey.

As of now she's off o2. She needs help keeping her temperature up, bilirubin is a little high, is on some IV fluids. Thankful it's the basic stuff and haven't found anything abnormal yet. 

 

Happy Birthday sister!

We made it! Me and baby are doing well. 5lb 8oz, she's in the NICU but doing great.

Let's party

Its all fun and games until you're really scared, and uncomfortable, and tired and are desperate for relief. Yeah, that's how I've felt the last 24 hours.  Today I finally asked my doctor (who I call Steve because he's Mark's oldest brother...in case you are confused) if a c section is reasonable tomorrow. Because there is less and less worry with baby's health and more and more with mine, yes, it is reasonable.  I'm still taking the oral med nifedipine and it is just keeping the contractions barely tolerable. Sometimes they're still 5 min apart, the longest is 20 and that's rare.

I spent most of the day on the couch. A load of laundry, some dishes here and there. Thankful for those who came to visit and help. I had planned to move Ruby into sisters room tomorrow anyway, so we did that tonight. I love how cute and excited they are to be all together.  Have the crib ready to be set up, got out clothes. Being optimistic that she will be healthy and won't spend any, or not much, time in the NICU.

Siri had her first piano recital. Mark filmed it for me. She's so dang cute and did awesome! Mark took the girls to get dinner and then we had FHE and a long and very entertaining story time before bed. I love my family.

So, birthday party for baby girl thack #4 is scheduled for tomorrow (unless contractions intensify and I go in earlier).  Thanks for the love and prayers. So crazy this is happening already but we are so excited to meet her and to enjoy her on the outside of me!

learning the ways

Yet another trip to labor and delivery this evening. Contractions bad enough I could hardly stand up and was in pain just trying to walk to go to the bathroom. Thankfully Liz and Dan had taken the girls up to Kamas for family dinner so Mark and I were able to easily leave for the hospital.

He wheeled me in and I asked for the belly band sleeve for the monitors, not those dang itchy straps. And next time I'll say 'no, please don't put that iv in my right hand right by my knuckle because that is the worst spot ever'. I double check they're giving me warm saline, not cold so it doesn't hurt so bad. I was positive and calm for a while, then worried, then had a good cry, then just really tired. I haven't had over 2 hours of continuous sleep since maybe Wed or Thurs. My milk has come in-no, not just colostrum, like full on and it hurts. I've never had that happen before the baby was born so I'm all worried I'll loose my milk by time she actually comes!

After 2 shots of terbutaline and waiting a while the contractions slowed. I really had thought this baby was going to come tonight. Thankfully I wasn't dilating, so that gave me more comfort to go home. And that standard protocol is straight to the NICU if the baby is less than 35 weeks. I'm 34 weeks so a few more days would be valuable to keep her in me. Because if she is healthy, it won't be automatic admission. Possible, but not automatic.  Then as we leave, even though I've had 2 bags of fluid via IV, I'm so parched. Mark, as usual, gets me 2 drinks. One with ice water, one with 1/2 water 1/2 apple juice. So now we're home and we're hoping for a night of rest.  Thank you family and friends who are continually helping our high maintenance family! :)

silly me

Read the previous post from yesterday if you didn't already.
Silly me, forgot to knock on wood. 12:45am this morning painful contractions woke me up. I had two hard ones. I was shaking, couldn't control it. I had already called my angel of a neighbor to come over before I told Mark we needed to go to the hospital. About 1:30 I went to triage room. Contractions every 2 1/2-3min and they hurt. I was maybe a little bit scary to the nurse. But mostly trying to not freak out. Thankfully Steve had just delivered a baby and saw us. We were there until about 4:30/5am. I got fluids and 2 different meds. I had dilated to a 1. We don't know though why the contractions. Last time it was a UTI, but it doesn't look like it this time. I've been on nifedipine and still having some contractions, but not so close or painful.

Ran some errands and laundry today but trying to take it easy. Lucky for me Dan and Sam went biking so my sis Liz had time to come help me while Mark was moving some furniture and a trip to IKEA.  Beds made up with clean sheets and Christmas lights on the house!

bromeliad

When we found out in the spring that Ruby had cancer, my loving brother in law came to visit. We sat on the back porch and had good conversation. I loved his uplifting and sympathetic tone and words. I just remember loving having him over. He gave us a couple plants, an orchid, which I have kept alive so far, and a bromeliad. I've never had one before. The color is faded so I cut the on the mother plant, but hope it can still live? Tell me what you do if you have one :)  I love indoor plants, even though I only have a couple and am not the best at making them thrive. I loved that Mark's Grandmother Thackeray always had thriving house plants.

I posted on instagram some of my fav pictures from this week, but then I thought about other more favorites I wanted to share!  Ultrasound on Thursday showed good news, placenta looks like its in a safe spot and I won't need a hysterectomy. Whew. I would have been ok with not being able to have more kids, but a c-section and that at the same time was really making me nervous.  I got a steroid shot yesterday too to help with baby's lungs.  Not my fav was last night when I woke at 2am with contractions all.night.long. I never went back to sleep. I drank tea, foam rolled, had Mark give me a blessing.  They were always 8-12 min apart. Not painful, but uncomfortable enough they kept me awake. Finally about 6:30 I got up to start making breakfast. I was so glad I didn't feel it urgent to got to the hospital as I needed to get Siri off to school and the rest of us went to close on our refinance (so excited about that!).

After the closing Jane Ruby and I went to the Dr for me to get the 2nd dose of steroids. I told him I'd been having contractions so they're going to culture a urine sample just in case (which is what happened last time...contractions cause by a UTI I didn't know I had).  As today went on they lessened but were more uncomfortable. The girls helped Grandma Sandy decorate for Christmas and I went back to see Steve to have him check to make sure I wasn't dilating. Whew, more good news. Everything is ok. And they've gotten more minor since then. I need to be mindful to keep super hydrated!

Other favs...Celebrating Mark's birthday. I just love him more than anything. The girls and I had fun while he was surfing in Cali last week. I loved seeing them swarm him when he got home. Going to lunch for my sis in laws birthday, getting a new diaper bag which is a backpack-not 'cute' but totally functional, being gifted a hair cut/color by a friend from the gym-loooove(d) it! Reading the Book of Mormon together but each of us have our own copy and pencil to highlight any mention of Jesus Christ. This is a challenge from our Stake President and it has gotten the kids so much more interested in reading scriptures! Walking with Ruby down to the park that last warm day to meet sisters at the park on the way home from school.  Jane's Kindergarten Veterans Day program. The best. One of the teachers has a son serving our country and she was amazing at relaying her emotion and gratitude to the the kids and parents. And we're getting a fence installed just to enclose the backyard. Hooray for keeping the kids in and neighborhood dogs out!

Ruby and Miss Kim

Annual man surf trip

happy birthday dadda!

one more warm walk to the park

I felt like a zombie all day today but at least my hair looked cute :)

the fine lines

As part of Family Home Evening tonight we watched home video of each of the girls when they were babies.  I loved it!  I loved seeing the next older sister as a toddler. I loved seeing how young and innocent Mark and I were. I loved seeing our clothes, music in the background, how we did things.  

We then put the girls to bed and Mark and I were talking in the kitchen.  I'm excited for this baby. SO excited to meet her, what she will add and bring to our family. At the same time, I go day by day thinking "this could be Ruby's last...".   I'm thankful that Ruby doesn't understand fully or worry about the cancer in her lungs. [Dejavu, like, right now as I'm typing this.]

I'm thankful that she can play, be free and (relatively) healthy right now. We are going to get her port flushed (just like a cleaning to make sure its not clogged etc) on Wednesday. It will be quick and we'll be on our way.  She seems to continue to feel well, so for now we plan to do another scan beginning of January.  

Ruby and sisters love to talk to my belly. Tell baby good bye as Siri leaves for school, or good night when they go to bed. It helps me not dwell on the "this could be Ruby's last..." moments. I think about it, but I don't dwell very often. I appreciate the perspective it reminds me of, although my mind easily forgets and needs reminding. And when I think about how hard this next month will be with a c-section, recovery, newborn, everyday life, possible baby blues, and the scanxiety for Ruby (and the tinge of stress of the holidays). I know we can do it. I can do it. I can ask for help. And I'm pretty sure life isn't going to be a bowl full of cherries going forward. Sometimes I think about just getting through this, whatever "this" hard thing at the moment is. But we're in our mid 30s and have young kids...we've got plenty of time left for more trials :)  Hopefully a hysterectomy won't be one of them. I have another ultrasound later next week to make sure I don't have placenta previa or it hasn't grown into my previous c section scar.

As of now baby girl is scheduled to come the first week of December. I have been trying to take it a little easier, but have felt good enough to still go to the gym, Costco, and walk the girls home from school.  Prepping my mind though in case I need to be on bedrest.  I'm not due until December 27, so the first of December is still pretty early for her to make her grand debut. 

I felt well enough to go to St.George the last two weekends. Once with our family since Mark had an engagement photo shoot to do at Snow Canyon, and once with my sister and Mom for our annual girls trip!  I'm ready to stay home to cook this baby and get clothes out of storage. And eat pie. I love pie.  But, the effort most definitely continues to eat better, especially Ruby. Thank you for NOT offering her treats. She and her sisters understand why, but its still hard to try to show my (our) love for them in other ways. After trick or treating and picking out what they wanted to keep... Siri sold us her candy and I put the money in savings per her request...she wants to get a car when she's 16. Jane and Ruby wanted to trade theirs for toys. Done. 

tag while we take a pit stop on the way to St G

playing in the backyard

she said she wanted to be a mermaid, so I spoiled her with a new costume and wig.

but really she ended up wanting to be a lion with an old costume that gave her a slight wedgie. whatever floats your boat Ruby, you got it.

Happiest Birthday to my mom. One more year until she will hopefully retire!

And this. Ruby LOVED her first dance class last week. A woman named Kim invites kids with cancer (and their families) to come to class for free. Right now I'm planning to take Ruby once a week, but may take Siri and Jane in the new year if they want to and depending on how things are going and we're feeling.

shopping in St G including a lil christmas outfit for baby!

while I was gone Mark and the girls walked over to the nearby chinese restaurant for dinner

got to meet up with sis in law Kerrah and a couple Fetzer cousins for a visit

ha!

fun times with the lovely Alexis