Skip to the important parts...Dr Holly asked how Ruby was feeling. I said good, why how should she be feeling? What did the scan show? "They're stable" she said. They haven't changed. I started crying. No new lesions. Sigh. Relief. Thankfulness to Heavenly Father for hearing my (our) pleas.
Here is my post from Instagram yesterday
I've been praying to be able to handle what news we'd hear today. For a long time I have prayed to accept what God has in store for us. But this time I really did plead for my personal desire for the cancer to not get worse. The holidays, new baby coming in December, I wanted to picture our family doing all these things with Ruby. Things can change, cancer can grow rapidly or shrink without us understanding. For now I just cry with joy and am so very thankful. The tumors in her lungs haven't grown and there are no new lesions. Thank you people for your prayers and love!
This picture. Mark is so good helping Ruby cheer up. She was sad and nervous as we put her port cream on in the morning (have to do it at least an hour before to numb the skin so she can't feel as much when they access her port). He had her put cream and a piece of press n seal on his chest, just like she had. He played her favorite songs on the way to the hospital. He held her hands while she was in the scanner. In the picture above we were waiting to see the dr. He gets out the stethoscope and pretends he's the doctor, checking her feet and cheeks as she crunched her goldfish.
I was bracing myself for yesterday to be different, to be heavy, to have to make decisions for Ruby. I am grateful that it was a sunshiny amazing day without any of those things. My sis in law brought delicious dinner. I picked up the house before the appraiser came (we're trying to refinance). I made applesauce with apples from a neighbors tree. Took a little snooze with Ruby. I really was trying to wake her up from her nap, but I ended up falling asleep myself. Walked to the park with the girls. Went to Liz's spin class at the gym. Watched part of a movie with the girls. Wrote in my journal, read scriptures, listened to a General Conference talk. There was no homework, piano practice or chores done, but those things can be done today.
So what now? Because Dr Holly (or any dr that I know of) doesn't know what to do for a 3 year old with stage IV melanoma, we will keep not doing any treatment. The choices we do have if the tumors grow, don't have any specifics on likelihood of working, and if so it could be single digits. We will get her port flushed every 30 days. Not sure yet if we'll do a scan in another 2 months. If she continues to feel good and how we feel about things, we may wait until January.
After Ruby's scan, we met our neighbor and visited her daughter Katy who is inpatient right now. Can I request prayers for them? Katy has had health issues all her life. She's 17, has had a double lung transplant and just got diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I don't know how Christina, Katy's mom, is able to be so cheerful and keep it together. If you live in our neighborhood, let me know if you have time to help them with a little yardwork :) And thinking of Alexis as she has surgery today. They are going to remove as much of the melanoma tumors in her neck as they can.
We all will pass on from this life eventually. With Ruby having something inside her that could kill her, but isn't, makes me feel like God is being merciful and letting us have more time with her. I hope though that I can feel that way about myself, family, those around me. That I can appreciate more the chances we have to get together for dinner, exercise, say hi in the grocery store, pray for each other. Thank you to you reading this. You help make our lives easier by your love and prayers and service!
