Scanxiety x2 and teeth

I wanted to share a slice of what I've been feeling: very anxious. Last night I didn't sleep well, and the few nights before that.

I have an ultrasound tomorrow (19 weeks) and instead of being so excited to find out the sex of the baby, I'm very anxious and worried about seeing a heartbeat. The more kids you have, the more you know what problems they could have. And this momentous ultrasound is when we found out about the growth on Ruby's neck when I was pregnant with her. Seeing a heartbeat, and a healthy baby, would seem a miracle to me tomorrow.

I shared my worries with a friend and she said that its understandable as I've kind of been building up a wall around my heart the last few months. It's true. I anticipate the worst, and am trying not to be completely shattered by it.  At the same time, I've felt more hope about Ruby's health the last few days. Since that ultrasound when we found out there were issues, we've always been told what the worst is, and most often it never has happened.  Although there doesn't seem to be a cure that can be given by Ruby's doctors, I still have hope that there is more we don't know or understand yet.

Ruby has a CT scheduled for this Friday morning, August 5th.  We haven't decided on a next step of treatment yet as we want to see what her lungs look like. I expect the cancer to have spread, but you never know, I don't know. I need some proof. She's as silly and healthy looking as ever. I love her rosy cheeks, blue blue eyes, and her lips. Her mouth has its own character, its Ruby's. 

speaking of character...Siri's teeth. wow.

And this sis...lost her first tooth today! 

She came with me to visit an older sister in our ward, 

it fell out as she was eating her animal crackers.

#phonestealer

Today we enjoyed first ripe tomatoes from our garden this summer

And other fun things from July...

You can read Liz's post about going to the cabin

Fav party at my Aunt Joans for the 24th of July

A visit from Jenn!

Swimming with cousins, including Miss Leah.

Liz works out so she can throw kids into pools

Yesterday: Jane and Siri setting up their own yard sale.

It rained shortly after they got all set up so they'll be back at it sometime this week I'm sure. 

These two have done a boat load of fighting lately.

I'm thankful when there are breaks and they do things like this.

Siri says this is a jelly bean

This guy. Whew! Good thing we have each other.

I don't like him....I LOOOOOVE him!

(that's a joke in our fam...the girls will say "I don't like this (activity, food, whatever) at all. I LOOOOOVE it"

P.S. I just made these yumos Mark made rosemary butter to go with. 

Jenn you would have loved them!