Road trip escape

My family (my 2 brothers, 2 sisters, their families, and my mom) have been planning a reunion trip to San Clemente, California since last year.  It was meant to be and such perfect timing. I'm thankful my brother Matt helped organize it so it could really happen!  The girls did great on the drive there and back. We got there on Saturday evening and went straight to the beach.  It took me a while to escape our regular lives. I had a meltdown Sunday and a cry session while Mark listened. It was good to get it out. I think that really helped me enjoy the rest of trip.  I loved not having anything else to do. I normally put Ruby down for a nap and 'get stuff done'. But there, I could just hang out with my sisters, or lay in bed with her. I loved laying in bed with her, the big fluffy white comforter and pillows. My kind of dreamy.

sibling fun grocery shopping

loved the condo we stayed at!

during church, Jane asked me how to spell all of this

Ellies Table bakery that was across the street. amaze.

We did the beach all the days except Wednesday when we went to California Adventure. Our kids are at the young end of the cousins, so we didn't last as long, but it was worth it.  Not until we got home, did I realize how little fighting there was between my girls or me and them.  I thought it would take more patience on the trip, but it takes more at home.

We had originally planned to come home today, Sunday, but Mark had a wedding to shoot at Snowbird yesterday. I'm glad we came home a tad early. To be home, unpacked, and enjoy our Sunday, the sabbath, was really nice. I needed it.

Our ward fasted for Ruby today.  I was thankful to fast also. I often feel hungry, but not today. Sometimes when I fast I'm praying, thoughtful. Today it was a pleading, begging in my heart. For a miracle, for understanding, mostly for peace. The bishop had let everyone know that we would close with a prayer at the church at 4:30. I expected a few people, but not the room full. Our dear ward, we love you so much. I wish I could talk to and thank each of you individually. It is time wise hard, but emotionally its hard for me to get the words out that I want to say.  When we came into the church this evening I instantly thought of when Mark and I got married. We walked into the room, and it was full of people we loved. But the loved I felt back was so intense. They were all there for us and because they love God. Today, I got the same feeling. It is overwhelming and enraptured my heart.

The notes and cards on our door, delivered in person, or in the mail were read with happiness when we got home from our trip. To be basic about our current knowledge: Ruby is dying of cancer. It sounds so sad. It is so sad. But the next second I think, but we are all on that path. We will all pass through this life onto the next. We are blessed to have a more immediate presence of that. And, I still have hope that she may be able to stay. And she's totally ok right now. It is mind boggling sometimes. She's playing at the beach, has all her hair, runs around. Its not a la-dee-da bucket list everyday. I get frustrated, there are dishes and spills and teeth to be brushed. But I sit with Siri longer to try to understand her feelings, I let Ruby push the cart across the parking lot to return it and watch with love and not annoyance. I say 'no' to more stuff and spend time doing what I would actually want to be doing with my family and friends.  And having my faith, the Gospel of Jesus Christ to have to guide me...it gives me just that, a guide. I sincerely wonder what/how people face death without it?  It gives me motivation to focus on improving myself, to focus on the habits and the relationships. Cancer aside, sometimes I think "What if my house burned down?" What would I have left? My family. And I want that to be enough for each of us. Easier said than done, but all we can do is keep trying every day!