It's ok that it's not ok

It is few and far between, but today was one of those days I had a good worry-filled cry about babygirl.

I had an MRI last week and it went well actually. We had a huge relief when they told us it didn't have any spine or brain tissue in the mass. Innocence is bliss, it's been great not knowing what it is because then I feel like she's still ok.  But, the more info I find out, the more I realize that I need to face it that she might not be 'ok'.

I told that to Mark and he said "and it will be ok if she's not ok".  Thank Heavenly Father for a such a patient, calm, and faithful husband. Because really, we will be ok, no matter what because that is what we are choosing to do. I just need extra reminders.

It could be a benign teratoma, or it could be a hemangioma, or it could grow big enough that she'll have to be delivered early and may require plastic surgery and skin grafts (I'll be so thankful if its just something cosmetic and doesn't affect her health). As of now its about 7x7x3cm and is pressing on her skull. It has blood vessels in it but isn't straining her heart so far. But we just won't really know how to help her until she's born.

At dinner Siri said the prayer. I think she's heard us talk enough about our niece Naomi who was stillborn, and problems with this baby, that in her prayer she said "and bless that the new baby can come and be in our family". She's understanding more as she gets older and I go to the doctor more. Before dinner she had seen me crying and asked "is the baby not going to come to our family?" Oh my tender-about-to-break-my-heart...she is so sweet. She gave me lots of hugs tonight and kissed my belly. Jane even clued in and brought me a giant blanket off the couch "bane-kett?".

christmas morning

skiing at Alta

MRI-don't be jealous of the wardrobe

I know so many people who have gone through or are going through much worse. And for them I have gratitude for their examples. If you can do it, I know I can do it.
I'm so thankful for how much this experience already has made me appreciate my health and the 2 healthy girls I have and the miracles their bodies are.