Guys. This cancer side of life has been longer than expected (hooray!), and y'all are still with us, thank you! Not only are you still here, but more have joined our village in helping us do our life. Christmas has just taken the whole support thing to a new level. I am speechless, literally had my jaw drop at times, at how kind people have been in helping our family this Christmas. Monetary donations, Christmas gifts, things for the girls, notes of kindness.
I get that people get on with their lives, its not your burden to worry about daily. I don't expect, or want, the conversation to be about me/us/Ruby. But other times people show up at my door or offer help that I didn't even realize that I knew us or were thinking of us. And I see all these angels carrying us and being God's hands. We're all here for that purpose. I wish I could feel like I could do more on the giving end instead of receiving. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or rude, but sometimes its hard to allow help into my life. Mark and I feel like we need to and should be able to it all...its what most everyone else has to do! It seems so backwards, and sometimes like we don't deserve it, that having a child with cancer has brought SO MUCH JOY. We are normal though-the girls have been tattle telling on each other like nobody's business this week. They leave their wet snow clothes everywhere and the door open all day long. They complain and we fight and I get upset and yell and then I eat my feelings. Mark is pulled in so many directions. Being self employed has its unique complications and unknowns. Annie (and all the girls) had colds last week. I didn't feel like I could ask anyone to watch Annie while I was at the hospital with Ruby because her cough and grumpiness was too much. So Mark did his best to be dad and provider, as he often does. Maybe that's why I feel the joy, because I feel all the opposite things too :)
Ruby has felt good so far on this new drug. Our visit Tuesday was a quick port access for labs. Physical exam, urine sample and we were off! (thank you Elisa for her prize, Jen for dinner and Liz for the visit!). I try to treat Ruby the same as the other girls, which is generally good, but when she's tired, or grumpy, or has a weird rash on her face (which just showed up this morning), I need to be better at nurturing this side of her life and not ignoring it. Ruby wishes the cancer would go away. Today she told me she wanted to be free "that I would be free and home and the cancer would go away". Our neighbor, 18 year old Katy, and my sister in laws brother, Dave, both passed away from cancer in the past week. I'm so sorry. And to all those many, many other people who have lost their closest loved ones. I talk with reverence and sorrow as I've shared their passing with the girls. I don't want it to sadden them, but I do want them to be aware of others feelings and the realities of life, and God's bigger picture for us. Its actually as much for me as it is for them, to share and talk about it.
Anyway, once again typing late and time to get to bed sooner than later.
Merry Christmas to all of you. May you know how important and loved you are!
first time of the season yesterday!
some tears and frustration, but more fun and good times were had!
Lisa Falls
Baking night!
Only 12 stick of butter!
1 comment:
I gobble up every word on your blog. You're wisdom continues do inspire me Ali. No one deserves people's kindness more than you and your family.
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