You can't always get what you want

As I sat thinking about what I could title this post the Rolling Stones song came into my head...
Oh, you can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need

and like my mom reminded me...if you pray for the doctors to do their best and know how to help Ruby (which I do), you have to accept what they are trying to do.

So Dr.Grimmer called today and said what I wasn't surprised to hear, I just was hoping to hear something else.
They don't have the biopsy results. They are sending them to one of the best doctors in the world, his words not mine, who specializes in soft tissue tumors in children. She is across the country so it probably won't be until early next week that we find out anything else.  They do know that the tumor has 3 main blood sources, all of which are large and substantial (not awesome). If they did surgery they would want to try to embolize some of the veins/arteries a week before and once more before surgery.
BUT
If this is a type of tumor that is benign and won't grow much in relation to how much she'll grow, they think it would be best to wait until she is 6 months old or so so that she will have more blood volume and be able to tolerate surgery better.

oy vey

I spent a great afternoon at the hospital. Went to the NICU parent hour, did more financial stuffnthings, gave Ruby a 'bath', and had a couple cheerful visitors.  Ruby has lost some weight. She used to be over 7lbs but is 6lb 13oz today so the nurse talked about maybe adding a powder to my breastmilk to get her more calories without having to feed her more. She's doing pretty good though, eating about half her feedings from a bottle (and the rest through her tube). While giving her a bath the nurse rewrapped her gauze. I hadn't seen her tumor since she was born (by my own choice) and finally looked at it.  Honestly, its not pretty. It scares me. I feel so helpless and wish I could make it all better. Her hair sure is cute though.

uhhh, yeah. not interested in nursing. at all.

I came home to cheerful girls who I could tell had had sunshine on their faces. It made me so happy to hear all about their play outside today. My mom was cleaning the kitchen, and dinner got delivered soon after.  Mark is with roo bear now for their daily snuggle session.

grandma, the girls, and sam biked to the park