Sufficient

What better time for me to have felt down the last few days...because today is the most hope-filled, promising, sunshiney day. I wish I had more traditions to celebrate Easter in our home, to make it a bigger celebration, like Christmas. Baby steps.

I am so thankful to have this beautiful day to have gone to church, take the sacrament, think about the symbols it represents, and have an amazing lesson in Relief Society by a sister who spoke the word I needed to hear...sufficient. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we are given the gift of grace, which makes us all sufficient. As I put forth my efforts and my best, my weaknesses and my worries, it is good enough.

We started the week watching a video on the #Princeof Peace from LDS.org each day, but then I stopped when I watched this one. I couldn't show it to the kids, although it is a beautiful inspiring story. This one on prayer and this one on hope are wonderful too...and they have 4 girls :) I'm thankful for other families examples.

Cute cousin Sam holding miss Annie at family dinner at my Mom and Johns tonight...he has a little sister in heaven that I'm sure loves that I've had so many girls for him to be around :)

inadequate

Inadequate: lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose\
(of a person) unable to deal with a situation or with life

I thought it was normal to feel adequate. Because I generally have felt/feel adequate in my life. But sometimes, you get this bugger of a mentality, a comparison here, an overload of things you could/should/want to be doing, a failed goal. And that has been me the last 24 hours, kinda throwing my hands up and saying whatever...which means crying a few times and eating another croissant and rice krispie treat, oh and finishing off the ice cream. It wasn't anything crazy, but not my usual self.

But I realize that most women feel this way sometimes, likely too often. And yuck, I don't like it. So I'll go to bed and do my best the next time I have a choice to make. Because me, my family, my life, is not the same as anyone else's. I evaluate those things I could change and pick a thing or two to try. My kids and husband love me to pieces, I know that, and I need to place more importance on the value of that.

ps here are some fun pics from an egg hunt at a friends yesterday and a family one today.

love my Fetzer cousins!

that baby

LOVE

(thank you KNP!)

naps

In the last week Ruby has taken 3-4 naps. That's unheard of lately for her. I especially love it when Annie napping at the same time though :)  Ruby had a cold for a while, is 4, shares a room with 2 sisters, and has cancer. Lots of reasons for needing a nap. I wonder though how the cancer and immunotherapy make her feel? Two of those naps were over 3 hours long...and she still slept all night!  Because she's had cancer/treatment for so long I wonder if I'm getting used to how she feels and think its normal...because it is normal for her, but not for a cancer free 4 year old.

Labs at her last dose of Nivolumab on Tuesday showed all looks good and normal. Very thankful.  We are continuing for another 3 months and the next round of scans will be a CT and MRI of her neck/brain.

We had a fun spring break sticking around home and doing something fun each day. I'm loving the sunshine, windows open to let a little breeze in. I've been socializing more-going to church, the gym, out for walks, to lunch or dinner with friends and it is so good for me. I am full of joy that Mark and I decided, and were able to, have another baby. Those first few months were a challenge and trial for me though.
Annie mostly sleeps through the night (10pm-7am). She's gnawing, sucking, gagging on her hands most the time and is distracted easily. She'll be 5 months next week but is just starting into size 2 diapers and is rolling to her side (not all the way over yet).

this was my FAVORITE! We loved trying to keep up/out do each other :)

Mark is my rock and example. He is always reading a new book and making efforts to improve himself. He gets up at least twice a week to workout early, works hard all day (and sometimes night), serves with the Young Men and Scouts in our church, and makes time to be the best dad ever. 

skiing with Liz and my mama

General Conference! The girls love to get bingo using goldfish, draw pictures, etc and earn (fake) money to buy things out of the baskets

Around Eatery, GR Kitchen, and Protein Foundry are my current fav places to eat

There is temporary happiness in not planning, preparing, cooking, and cleaning up your own meal ;)

on a freeeezing cold walk in Kamas

hi Bannie Boo!

dyed eggs and made chocolate chow mein "nests" with Grandma Sandy

I had given up on doing a night away from home, but were able to get away thanks to a great discount from an old friend. The girls LOVED it!

Jane is perpetually stealing my phone

Siri was psyched on finding a Ramona book in the Oncology clinic. 

She came with us to Ruby's most recent infusion.