all the hearts

Its warm and windy as I look out the window to our backyard. I'm thinking I should get us out for a walk before rain comes later today.  I saw the tips of tulips coming up from some gravel in my neighbors yard yesterday and it made me happy to see another sign of spring! We haven't skiied as much as I thought we would this season, but we'll get in a few more days I hope before its over.

Siri and I had a great, grand, wonderful trip to California! We flew into San Jose where Jenn picked us up and took us to Point Lobos, Carmel, and Monterey. We sifted through shells, put our feet in the freezing cold water, and enjoyed a beautiful day. Siri loved played with her cousins, Max (8) and Kate (11). It was good for us to get away together and reminded me the importance of one on one time with my girls. We visited Half Moon Bay, went shopping together, ate yummy food, the kids swam, and we got to venture into San Francisco. I'm so thankful for Jenn & Dave and their hospitality. Jenn knows how to plan and tour guide like a boss.

I'm thankful Ruby was feeling good and I didn't worry about leaving. Surgery on Friday the15th went as planned which is such a relief. The day before surgery her oncologist called and said a radiologist was putting the brakes on and hesitating to agree going forward because the tumors were small, and I think he didn't fully understand her history and how long they had been there. Pathology reports are back and they did not have any melanoma cells which is good! The miracle drug is working :) Ruby was pretty nervous and sad the morning of. She had also had issues with opening her eyes-like things were too bright or her eyes hurt. She had some body aches/stiffness and I felt like it could be withdrawals from the Entrectnib. She stopped it 2 days before surgery and won't start it again until next week after she has another follow up CT scan. Post surgery it took her a little bit to calm down. The nurses kept wrapping her in warm blankets which helped. Once she realized she couldn't take the chest tube out and got her to her own room she relaxed. She was on pain meds until Saturday morning but otherwise just took tylenol/ibuprofen for a few days after that.

My mom brought Siri and Jane to visit Friday night while Annie stayed with Auntie Liz. The girls didn't want to leave, Ruby didn't want them to leave, but we all needed some rest. Mark stayed with Ruby and I took the girls home. Mark said they slept/rested in 1-2 hour increments so he was pretty tired the next day. I love his love for our girls. I got back to the hospital Saturday morn just as they had finished taking out the chest tube. Her eyes were filled with tears, her face splotchy from crying and being in pain. I was so sad I wasn't there to hold her hands and be with her, but I think it's ok I didn't see it but could be there to comfort her right after. I have a lot of love and respect for moms who see their kids go through hell and back with medical problems. Again, thankful Ruby has had a fairly smooth journey without being inpatient very often or serious side effects. A while after she was all disconnected from everything she got up, I did her hair, she changed her clothes, and we went for a little walk down the hall. By 3pm we were home.

As of today (Feb 27th), her 3 incisions are well on their way to healing and she's back to normal!  We are excited to celebrate her 6th birthday in a few days! 

I'm still trying to figure out my thyroid/hormone issues and feel like its been a domino effect of many things inside me not feeling right and now I'm trying to figure out where to start to get it all back in order. I don't love the endocrinologist I'm seeing so I'm going to try to find someone else to give me another opinion. And really, the library is a fountain of free help. I love learning about it but lack as much time as I'd like to learn more but keep trying. It's hard because I'm aware and know of how cleaning up my diet and lifestyle in certain ways (for example less sugar, possibly gluten too, and less stress) would be so beneficial but I feel like doing nothing except maybe eating alllll the chocolate and carbs every few days. Fortunately having a home, a family, homeschooling, and my desire to do and be more don't let me give in. I'm all ears if you have a favorite practitioner (endocrinologist, functional medicine, etc) you'd suggest for me to look into.

I started this post in the morning and am now finishing it at 10pm. Reading my above post after I'd written it was eye opening in that this is just the tip of the iceberg of my life. There are friends we're praying for with lots of different challenges going on, moments of joy that I'm just to tired to write about right now, the part about how Hammy is stinking up the kitchen and I may have to ask Siri to give him away, Mark's work, my thoughts on God and my gospel study...but its not meant to all be written down. There is too much to enjoy, to work on, to experience, sometimes wanting to forget, too embarrassing to share over the interwebs of the world, or too important that you don't want to share with just anyone. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you have a lovely night.
Ali

happy girl being able to be on her bike these past few warm and windy days

Siri was nervous but got out paddling with her cousin Kate

this made me laugh

pebble beach

fun with family

chest tube 

(and she had 2 other incisions-the camera and the surgical tool)

besides a chest tube, seeing her sedated is the next hardest for me, 

to see her limp and unresponsive.

valentines

sewing lesson for Siri

homeschool valentine party was so fun!

daddy daughter date

kiwi crate fun

I'm thankful for neighbors who watch the other girls 

and do fun things while Ruby and I are at dr appts

Hammy

Hammy is the name of Siri's hamster. She adopted him after a neighbor was given a hamster for Christmas but found out he was allergic. I told Siri we had no room, but what do you know, my desk in the kitchen now has room for his cage. It's been (mostly) fun actually, we've only lost him once :) I had a few hamsters growing up and Annie just loves him. He's gone through a few names, but because "Hammy" is what Annie calls him, that's what we all call him. Siri has had the chance to have more responsibility and helps pay for his food and shavings. She has earned money by doing two sessions of the "Pizza Academy". Thank you to those who supported her by sending your kids!  She has earned her money for her plane ticket and I am giddy looking forward to bringing Siri with me to visit my sister Jenn in a couple weeks.

Right now Mark and I are on day 3/7 of this detox. I've done it once before, last June, and have wanted to do it again. Between hormone issues and feeling out of control with my temper and food cravings, the timing was really good to do it now. I feel so much better already. The trick is not slipping back into old ways right? When I perfect that I'll let you know ;)  I can't say enough how powerful food, or not eating food, can be!  I'm still trying to figure out my hormone issues, central (pituitary) hypothyroidism. Mark has never necessarily needed or wanted to do a liver detox like this so I really appreciate him willing to do it with me. True love :)

I've been putting off doing more about making progress on potential surgery for Ruby. Talking to my mom yesterday about when they took the chest tube out last time (when she had a larger tumor near her heart removed for biopsy March 2016) brought me to tears. I've never seen Ruby in so much pain. I am also so thankful that I haven't had to see her suffer continuously. Here and there yes, but nothing compared to other kids that have to be on other drugs. Her oncologist wants to get the last tumor taken out. Last Thursday Ruby and I met with the surgeon, Dr.Barnhart. I didn't think about details we'd talk about, and as Ruby sat their in silence as he talked about how things would go, she just broke down crying, looking down, didn't want to talk to either of us. This is so much harder now that she's older. This will be her 6th surgery, but the last one was when she was 3. She understands (almost) everything now, so although this surgery is minor compared to previous ones, its a much bigger deal to her which means bigger deal to me. She has a dr appt/scan on Tuesday Feb 5 next week and then surgery planned for the 15th.  Thank you for your love and support (still after almost 3 years of this...or almost 6 if you count since she was born :)!!

We had an awesome Christmas season. We were given to greatly by Jackie Culley and her army of people.The kids all got sick right after Christmas and we missed some cousin time, but thankful it didn't last any longer.  We did end up in the ER one Saturday with Ruby since she has to go if she has a fever (in case there is an infection related to her port), but I'm so glad to know where to go, what they'll do, its just a lot less scary than it used to be. 
Jane turned 8 Dec 31st!  We had fun playing and dancing and trying to stay up late (Jane and I couldn't make it past 11:15). We went ice skating the next day with family and Jane was baptized the first Saturday in January. A blessed woman named Gayle who volunteers with Icing Smiles baked a cake for Jane. Unfortunately Ruby was throwing up as the baptism was happening but I've got angels in my midst, really, and a friend stayed in a another room with her so I could be with family and friends.

We are still homeschooling and sometimes I can't believe all the things we get to do! We were given a pass to the Aquarium that we've been enjoying, we have lunch with friends, visiting to the Museum of Curiosity, visits to Grandma Carols and a recent trip to St.George. There is balance in all things and we have a lot of growing pains as we continue to get to know each other, what works and what doesn't, and trying compromise and work together. So. Many. Life lessons. I don't know what we'll choose to do next year, but for now I'm going to keep doing my best!

I was so happy to get outside this day, but in reality 

Annie was crying her face off most the time.

snoozefest

baking night in December!

 missing my friends since "our gym", Thryve, closed Dec 31st.

lost her first tooth!!

Mark got the girls hammocks for Christmas. 

Although it was a cloudy day, the next day we got a white Christmas!

working out at F45 with Mr.Foxy himself

sad ER times

family party!

the "great eights"! (although now Sam is nine already)

dinner with my siblings

Ruby finally got her Christmas wish...a skeleton

love you Jane!

best $150 vacation, a night stay downtown during an ugly Salt Lake inversion. 

The girls swam 4x in less than 24 hours, we read "Counting By 7's" together, and watched the cool machine make pancakes at breakfast :)

photos recreated :)

4D show at the Aquarium (Annie hated it!)

time with Grandmas

Love my family!